Trigger warning ⚠️Suicide⚠️
I have been mentally ill since childhood; I am now a 52-year-old with Borderline Personality Disorder which is not easy to live with. I have managed to gain an existence, not a life but a way of finding a reason to get up and not end my life. And even on my worst day I can find the reason to go on and that usually i think of others.
I started this group basically because the NHS gave up on me, leaving me distraught and vulnerable. I know that I will never fit into this world. I can’t form relationships without getting overwhelmed, my family connections are minimal at best.
My day is spent with fluctuating moods, suicidal thoughts, negative thoughts, periods of mania, dissociation, moments of rage that if let loose would burn the world, being inappropriate or rude. I survive by wearing masks and pretending to be what I am not or more accurately I become a different person or role.
I can’t get any NHS support because between calling for help and the call being answered things change for me. As well as having no follow up or review, check in and I am no alone, Most of the members of the group are in the same position.
Now I know that their will be many charities and think tanks will be out in force over the latest plans “People with disabilities and mental health conditions will be expected to look for work under government plans to reduce the numbers claiming sickness benefits.” https://news.sky.com/story/charities-fear-disabled-could-be-forced-to-work-from-home-under-benefits-changes-12955866 And “People deemed unable to work ‘face having benefits reduced under DWP plan’ Those with history of self-harm could face penalties if they do not seek work after change in categorization.” https://www.theguardian.com/society/2023/sep/05/people-deemed-unable-to-work-face-having-benefits-reduced-under-dwp-plan.
But let me give you a personal effect of this and as you can see, I give the community support to others and ask nothing in return. I have been forced to go private and pay for my medication and medical reviews at £50 per consultation and £165 in prescription cost. This comes out of my benefits which help me cope with the day to day. (See Cannabis and BPD).
I am very aware of my illness and how it affects me, and I do have controls in place to prevent overload.
So, my first response to these news stories was someone else will fight this battle, followed by keep your mouth such you must think of the group and if people you see me as troublemaker well no one will ever help.
So, let’s look at the first story making the disabled work from home. This is confusing for me firstly the Tories think working from home is bad because of a few pointless views. For those living with mental illness the isolation of mental illness can prevent them leaving the home, so should be encouraged to leave the house relearn to socialize and build confidence and grow so when they are ready to rejoin the labor market, they are ready to take on the responsibility of work. One of the reasons Trowbridge Service Users Group was set up.
My first though was I can’t be trapped in this house beyond my illness, anxiety and the other BS that makes up my life.
Then the second story People deemed unable to work ‘face having benefits reduced under DWP plan’ this could affect me as someone “history of self-harm or at risk of killing themselves” https://www.theguardian.com/society/2023/sep/05/people-deemed-unable-to-work-face-having-benefits-reduced-under-dwp-plan again i am reminded that this government doesn’t care! This is not about helping people it about removing people from the benefits system by hook or by crook.
Since this government came in the UN have wrote report after report explaining the damage being done and everyone was rejected by the government.
In November 2016, the Committee of Disabled human rights experts released a damning report, which found that the UK government had systemically discriminated against Disabled people in terms of rights to living standards, social protection, work and employment, and independent living as part of the first ever high-level inquiry carried out by the UN’s committee on the rights of persons with disabilities (CRPD). https://www.disabilityrightsuk.org/news/uk-government-refuses-attend-un-meeting-scrutinising-its-rights-violations-disabled-people
UK government failing to protect disabled people, warns equality watchdog report https://www.equalityhumanrights.com/en/our-work/news/uk-government-failing-protect-disabled-people-warns-equality-watchdog-report
To be honest I can’t survive in a work environment or a cut to my benefits so if nothing more when the coroner reports on my death I do hope that this is not needed because the government pushed me into a position where I could not cope with the situation or cut my benefits where I could not afford my medication or faced more and more debt until I felt their would be no way out. I know I am struggling at present with the cost of living, having to cut back on food, higher pet food prices yes, I have a dog another thing that helps me going on.
It has taken many many years of therapy (incomplete) and other studies to find this much stability so I can contribute to the community have a sense of pride in myself, while not being able to have what most have a relationship, close tie to people, a true sense of self, a connection to reality and my stability may (will) be taken away.
Stability is important to me, and I assume others as this allows me to exist and be part of something even when something can’t be part of me. So, what if I fail a test not designed for me and lose all I have a sense of self, control over my life to a point, a handle on my mental health, a place to go and not feel alone and isolated. meeting every method of self-care fits into one of the seven pillars: mental, emotional, physical, environmental, spiritual, recreational, and social. A well-balanced self-care routine involves each of these, so how does reducing my benefits or forcing me to stay at home help me?
I just have to wait with extra anxiety and all that goes with that until they come to get us.
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